Today I was going to compete at Breckenbrough Horse Trials, but it’s rained. Then rained some more. I’d need flippers and a snorkel and I don’t look great in a bikini, so inevitably it’s been cancelled.

Instead, I’m doing this, I’m playing with cows. Well, herding cows. OK, convincing cows they want a trip in the cow fairground ride. They don’t.

It’s that time of year again when the legend that is Dan-the-foot-trimming-man comes and offers our girls their annual manicure and pedicure. Even Hercules the bull gets a go – he’s in touch with his feminine side. The girls all come out clean and shiny toed. I come out covered in shit.

Please don’t rain next year.